The season of renewal is upon us. Before you can say “I am getting a gym pass this year,” resolutions and lists on how to keep resolutions are popping up faster than new Twitter chats. Undoubtedly this juncture in the year offers time to reflect and a sense of newness that lies yet untainted by bad habits and abandoned goals; it is inviting and invigorating to start anew. But as we know, lists can be both lovely and dangerous and as I went to mentally make “my list” I started to chase myself around a bit in circles.
I wanted to work towards being less hard on myself for making mistakes…yet I wanted to hold myself more accountable to my core values.
I wanted to spend less time stuck in my thoughts and do more but at the same time I wanted to spend more time thinking deeply rather than reflexively and re-actively.
I wanted to be more open and vulnerable but I also wanted to be more confident about what was really important to me.
I wanted to write more and edit less, yet I wanted to write more purposefully.
I wanted to unplug more from work but I also wanted to be more focused on what matters at work.
I wanted to be less distracted but I wanted to notice more what did pull my attention.
I wanted to connect more with my daughter but I also wanted to give her more space to become the young adult she is.
I wanted to worry less about finishing everything perfectly but I want to focus more on finishing what matters most first.
I wanted to listen to my intuition more but I wanted to react less.
I wanted to give myself permission to take more down time, but I wanted to fritter downtime away less.
So it seemed it was not to be a list of must do’s but more a call to look ahead and find an end goal of sorts. As with the Noir app I was playing with yesterday (pictured above) where you get to toggle up or down (more or less) for each contrast setting…it is helpful to understand what each of the dials does but more importantly is how each new adjustment interplays and interacts with the adjustments you have already selected. As well, a sense of what I wanted my end picture to look like helped (to look 10 years younger of course!). This depends not only on the subject of the picture but also on the specific conditions of when and where the pic was snapped. The adjustments I make to the pic are intimately related to the background, the amount of light and the ultimate purpose for the picture. I had to know these clearly, before I could go and confidently adjust the colours, the light and the dark, the shadows; the knowing of the desired overall outcome were more compelling than the individual micro decisions.
It was more a matter of a little less of this and a little more of this….and then adjust again…and then again…
“We change, but always at a cost: to win this you lose that.”
– Geoffrey Wolff